Pink Fairy Princesses: An unproductive soapbox rant that I needed to get off my chest.

This week I had the rare opportunity to look for a present for little girls. I am the mother of two boys. But I am the product of a female dominated home- my poor dad was outnumbered by women, me my mum and my sister. And girly girl I was. Dolls, Barbie, and My Little Pony. This summed up my childhood. When I was pregnant with my oldest, I remember thinking "What the heck will I do if it is a boy?". Most definitely the thought was well out of my range of experience. What's more I convinced myself I was having a girl. When he was born by emergency C Section, I remember lying on the table and asking Ethan "What is it?". He said "It's a boy!". To which I said, ready for it?... "Are you sure?". To which Ethan responded "Um, Em.... yeah. Pretty sure." Followed by words which are not for mixed company which rather bluntly stated supporting evidence of his diagnosis. In those early days I held the new little mouse and thought "What am I going to do with you?".

My eyes were opened to the joys of tractors, and farm animals, and trains, and cowboys. By the time the second boy came around, I was pretty confident in my ability to figure out what appeals to small boys. But I have to say, there is still something that I love about shopping for little girls. It is fun. And still appeals to the little girl in me. And it is so easy, if you are buying clothes. There are a myriad of adorable choices available.

When my boys were invited to a birthday party for two of their little friends (Matteo is friends with the older sister, Elio with the younger), I got excited about present buying. But kid parties are not really conducive to buying clothes. They are more conducive to toys or books or activities. So off I went to the toy store, and quickly realized I had no idea what little girls like. How weird? Things change quickly. I went to the Barbie aisle, thinking, right, a classic. But I have to say Barbie has "matured" in her old age. Um... should I buy the fashion doll that looks like a transvestite? Or should I go for the one that looks like a Dominatrix? Are the girls going to be acting out scenes from Connie and Carla or 50 Shades of Grey? Moving on. Next section: princesses and fairies. Right. Well yes. If you are beautiful and skinny maybe you too can marry a handsome prince with a full head of lustrous blond hair and wear fabulous dresses and do nothing but sing while bluebirds hang out your laundry. Hope you like pink. Right. Next section: baby dolls. Yes. A classic. But want one that does not require double A batteries or excrete mock body fluids? Hard to find.

I have to say though, sadly the options aren't much better for boys either. Once a boy hits a certain age, there isn't much to pick from unless you like Lego or Hot Wheels. I find myself trying to gently guide my boys away from super hero figures that have crazy nuts abs and very large weapons as they obliterate the enemy into world peace (???). Yuck. My kids like Batman, and I'm ok with them watching the old episodes of the Adam West series. Lots of campy superhero action without the gratuitous violence that seems to dominate the action figure aisle.

And all I can think is that we are losing our creativity. The toys seem so specific and explicit, or overly sexual or violent. They seem built to act our very specific scenes and do not leave much room for open ended play. Can't we just pretend that baby has a wet diaper? Is it really necessary that I feel actual water puddle on my feet to do so?

I have to say I gave up. I decided that kids learn and play best by doing something. With Christmas coming, what could be more fun than baking? Kids like to accomplish something, just like we do. So decided that matching aprons and their very own baking utensils, as well as a great first cook book with excellent photos was in order. Feeling rather proud of my idea, and re-energized for shopping I skipped off to the book store to find the perfect book. And there I was faced with a shelf full of cookbooks: the Princess cookbook, the fairy cookbook, the pink cookbook, the little girl's cookbook, the party girl's cookbook, the hungry girl's cookbook. By this point in time I felt like yelling at the shelf. WHAT THE HECK ARE WE DOING TO OUR KIDS???? What is the point of all this forced gender stereotyping? Does nobody else watch the food network? Does nobody else realize how hot and masculine Rocco Dispirito is? Or Jamie Oliver? Or how the cake boss is neither a pink princess or a little fairy? Do they not know that one of the things I most love about my husband is his willingness to don an apron and cook for our family (and not simply BBQ). What if I were buying this for my sons? Maybe they'd like to cook too! Don't get me wrong, I realize the gift was indeed for two wee girls, but I just couldn't bring myself to force pink princess fairies down their throats. I scoured the shelf for something else, and sure enough, next to the floor, sandwiched between "Pink Princess Cookbook" (seriously, I'm not making this up) and "Princess Party Cookbook", I found a lovely relatively gender neutral cookbook that has gorgeous pictures, clear directions and a bazillion fun baking recipes. Phoof! The poor unsuspecting woman working the children's section narrowly avoided an earful from me.

But really, girls will always pretend they are princesses. They will always love fairy wings. Boys will always love cars. They will always love superhero capes. And there is nothing wrong with that. Having watched two kids grow from birth you do realize how innate those interests are.  But I really think there is something wrong with not offering them a variety of things to aspire to. Not everything needs gender specificity.


Alright. Sorry you guys. I'll climb off my soapbox long enough to show you how this gift turned out. I'm pretty happy with the result. I used the same method as I did for Elio's Bob the Builder construction aprons. Indeed this is a gender neutral pattern, which can be made from fabric that you think would suit the wearer best. I did these fully reversible (pockets on both sides), and with an elasticized neck strap. That way it fits over the head but then doesn't hang too low to function well as an apron (in our house aprons get worn when one thinks a bib is in order but your too old child would be mortified at the thought). These are a 2 hour project- short and sweet. Hopefully they like them- Elio gave them his seal of approval ("Which one is mine?"... we still have some work to do. Apparently he thinks he gets presents on everyone's birthday).  In the photo I have one lying on its "front" and the other lying on its "back". They are identical aside from size.

Are you in the birthday party phase? Do your kids have better social lives than you do by a long shot? What are you giving as presents?


Happy weekend people- hope it is a good one!


Happy trails!